Funny Baby Card Messages

What to write in a newborn baby card: best funny baby card messages about parenthood and daily life as a new family. Check out the hilarious new baby congratulations below and choose your favorite one.

Sometimes it's even possible to combine several sample messages to make it all the more fun. 


a sleeping baby boy and a funny baby saying addedso cute when asleep!

At the bottom of this page you'll also find a link to help with addressing your card and how to finish your new baby wishes.  

Sample Texts For Your Funny New Baby Congratulations

50% mommy, 50% daddy, 100% baby (or baby's name)! Best wishes on the arrival of your newborn daughter / son.  

Parenthood is a wild ride full of love, laughter, questions, anxiety, learning, excitement, craziness, hugs, kisses and much more. Congrats on your baby girl / baby boy! 

Being a parent means, learning to sleep with a foot, or even two, in your face!

Baby is cute. Mommy is cute. Daddy is lucky...

Now as you travel down the road of life, remember...

... the stroller, the diapers, the formula, the toys, the bottles, the pacifier, the blanket...

Not all treasure is silver and gold... Best wishes on your 'personal  new treasure' and little darling!

"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do" (Matt Walsh). Congrats on your new arrival and good luck with transitioning from theory to practical experience!

Being a mother is the highest paid job in the world since the payment is in pure love!

Parenthood is a wild ride full of love, laughter, questions, anxiety, learning, excitement, craziness, hugs, kisses and much more. Congrats on your new family addition!Welcome, little one!

Babys and children copy everything they see their parents do. Except sleep.

"Ah, I feel so rested and did not have to worry about anything at all today". Said no mom ever...

Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but we say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around without pants when your baby walks around without pants.

Having a baby is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, there's a lot of noise and there's a lot of throwing up...

A sleeping baby is the new happy hour...

Moms - the only people who know the true meaning of 24/1.

More Funny Baby Card Messages

You have been getting on your mom's nerves for nine months. Now it's daddy's turn!

Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy babies! So take it easy, be calm and mommy on!

May your coffee be stronger than your precious little new baby!

Woo-hoo, a mini version of you two!

Mummy and daddy, congratulations on your baby girl / baby boy ... let the noise begin!

Just wondering: if olive oil is made of olives, what is baby oil made of? 

No one can imagine life having their own children. But when they are born no one can imagine life without them.

Always remember: Silence is golden - unless you have a toddler. In that case it's very, very suspicious!Better safe than sorry :-)

Sleep is overrated. As is coffee, wine and any free time ever... 

You used to have time. Now you have a baby!

(alternatively a baby girl, a baby boy, your and baby's name)

Motherhood is going to look great on you. Just keep calm and diaper on.

Congratulations on your new alarm clock!

We are thrilled and congratulate you on your new family addition. Always remember: Silence is golden - unless you have a toddler. In that case it's very, very suspicious!

Heard your home has grown by 2 feet!

Hurrah, it's a girl / boy! Parenthood is one of the best journeys in life. So buckle up and enjoy the ride!

Congratulations on your new baby girl / boy! Love, joy, baby puke and smelly diapers... Don't panic, it's only a baby!

A little one has joined you both, how happy you must be... It was great when there were two of you, but even better now there's three!

You could have bought a few Porsches or could have traveled the world for a couple of years. But you have chosen sleepless nights, Lego in the living room, parent-teacher conferences and puberty instead. From now on you will be parents - and we think you took the right decision! 

Congratulations on your new family addition. Hitting the bottle is about to take on a whole new meaning!

Congratulations on your newest tax deduction!

Funny Baby Card Messages 

Congrats! Your baby is so much cuter than other babies!

Having a baby will make you so grateful for everything, like the fact that your cells didn't multiply and create twins.

Eat. Sleep. Poo. Repeat. The baby obviously, not you. You will never sleep...

Motherhood / parenthood is a wonderful, rewarding, messy, noisy and sometimes crazy experience... Every day will be a new adventure, enjoy the ride - it's all worth it!

Don't worry. It gets easier after the first 18 years.

As a mom myself, let me tell you: Having a baby is a lot of getting up when you just sat down.

a sleeping baby girl and a funny as well as inspiring baby quote addeda miracle of perfection indeed

Of course you can also write a short congratulations sentence only and then cite one of these funny baby quotes in your card.

Funny Baby Shower Card Messages

Soon it will be: Goodbye tummy - hello mummy! Until then all the best and wishing you a safe and healthy delivery for both you and baby.

Sleep all you can before baby comes. In fact, do not get up for anything short of labor!

Your hearts are certainly filled with gratitude and your belly is filled with baby.

Can't wait for your bun to be done!

Sorry, we're all drinking without you. Have a happy baby shower!

24/7. Once you sign on to be a mother that's the only shift they offer!

Since you can't drink right now, I'll raise two glasses to you and your soon to arrive new bundle of joy!

Remember this happy day forever! For a long time, this is one of the last showers you'll get to enjoy in peace...

Funny Baby Card Messages For Baby Girl

Any of the above messages will qualify if you just add "Hurrah, it's a girl" or "Congratulations on your new baby girl". But these are especially cute for newborn girls:

From now on follow this bedtime routine: read her a story, tuck her in tight, say a sweet prayer and kiss her goodnight... And then start all over again...

May your little newborn girl play with fairies, grow angel wings, braid the hair of a mermaid, fly to the moon and ride a unicorn. 

Congratulations on your little baby girl. While her fingers may be small, she's probably already got everybody wrapped around them!

Funny Baby Card Messages For Baby Boy

Any of the above messages will qualify if you just add "Congratulations on your new baby boy" or "It's a boy". However, these are suitable for boys only:

You've got male! 

A brand new baby boy to fill your hearts with love and joy!

Don't worry about the difficulty of raising a baby boy. It's just as easy as running a marathon, doing your taxes and wrestling an octopus at the same time... every day!

A giggle, a toy, hello to a cute little baby boy!

funny twin quotes and sayings

more funny baby sayings

For help on how to start and end your card and what to write on the envelope, check out my new baby congratulations cards page. 

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